


Quiet

by 100percentsunshine



Category: Karlie Kloss - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Adoption, Anxiety, Aspergers, Autism, Coming Out, F/F, Family, Foster Care, LGBT, but also drama, but not graphic, josie loves matilda, kaylor in the future, lots of fluff, some descriptions of abuse, taylor owns a record label now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-06-27 21:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15693354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100percentsunshine/pseuds/100percentsunshine
Summary: "I wonder if inside my head I'm not just a bit different from some of my friends"Josefina has always been that being different is bad.  Why else would her birth family try so hard to make her act like everyone else?  Josie has never been able to see the world the way other people do.  But, when she meets Karlie and Taylor, she learns that maybe being unique is not a bad thing after all.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> I've also posted this story on wattpad (I'm @100percentsunshine_ on there). I'm going to copy and paste the author's notes I've left there to preserve the experience of reading the story.

It was almost nine thirty when Taylor got the call from their social worker. “Hello?” she asked, reaching over and muting the episode of Game of Thrones playing on the TV. 

“Hi, Ms. Swift-Kloss? Um, we have a kid, a four year old girl, who needs a place for a day or two, probably. She was in another house but the foster parents haven’t renewed their license and there’s also been a few complaints from other kids about them so we think an investigation’s gonna be started.”

“Okay, when is she getting here?” Taylor asked, sliding her legs off Karlie’s lap and standing up. By this time, Karlie had figured out what was going on, and began making her way upstairs to put sheets on the bed in one of the guest rooms. 

“In twenty minutes or so.” Richard replied. Taylor rolled her eyes, but remained polite over the phone. The whole foster care system was an insane mess, and the last-minute, disorganized nature of it all annoyed her to no end. But none of frustrations could compare to the feeling of being able to help and give back, even just a little.

Many of these kids didn’t have access to the loving, nurturing environment necessary for people their age, and Taylor and Karlie always tried to create one for them, no matter if they only stayed with them for a couple days or weeks. 

Taylor had been busying herself with finding where Karlie had stashed the extra toothbrushes and only half-listening to Richard’s spiel. But the second he said, “Nobody else would agree to take her because they don’t want to deal with a child with autism,” Taylor stopped in her tracks.

“You didn’t think that would be valuable information for me to know?” she questioned. 

“Oh, um, I’m very sorry, ma’am, but we literally don’t have anywhere else to bring her,” he replied, pleadingly.

Taylor sighed, massaging her temple. Karlie gave her a questioning look, wondering what was happening on the other side of the phone call. “Of course we’ll take her, but you can’t just keep these important details from us. Neither of us have any experience with autistic kids.”

“Don’t worry, she’s high functioning. She won’t be a problem. She seems normal to me,” Richard hastily added.

“Is she in the car with you right now?” Taylor asked.

“Yes.” 

Biting her tongue to avoid giving him a lecture on basic politeness and how “normalcy” doesn’t exist, Taylor said, curtly, “Well, we’ll see you soon. Goodbye.”

“What’s going on?” Karlie asked, pressing a kiss to her wife’s temple.  
“Richard’s bringing a four year old girl over in a few minutes. She’s probably just going to stay for a couple of days until they can find somewhere else, but he neglected to tell me she’s autistic until a couple of seconds ago.” Taylor paused. “That’s not a problem, is it?” she asked suddenly.

“Of course not,” Karlie reassured her. “We’ve got some time until she gets here to do some quick research if you want. The room’s all set up. And I doubt she’ll do anything but sleep tonight anyway, seeing as it’s almost ten.” Even in the earliest days of their relationship, Karlie always knew what to say to calm Taylor down. So the two of them curled up on the couch in the living room with the cats, and read articles until the doorbell rang.

Both women jumped off the couch and walked swiftly towards the door. Karlie got there first, thanks to her long legs, and pulled it open. A balding, middle-aged man stood behind a little girl with messy brown curls. She was looking at the floor, clutching onto a ragged stuffed koala with a missing eye, and a purple Dora backpack. 

“This is Josefina, or Josie,” Richard spoke first, “She’s four.”

“I just turned five,” she corrected him quietly.

“Sorry, five,” he said. “You’re going to be staying here for a couple of days.”

“Hi, sweetheart, I’m Karlie, and that’s my wife Taylor,” Karlie said, beaming her signature smile. Josie waved tentatively.

“Why don’t you come in. You must be tired. It’s pretty late!” Taylor said, leading her into their house. She helped Josie take off her shoes and then Karlie led her upstairs to show Josie her room. Meanwhile, Taylor stayed behind to talk to Richard.

“She has what’s called level one autism. Basically she’s high functioning. I wish I could give you more, but I’ll email you her files as soon as possible.”

Taylor, who had already read up on the controversy of “functioning” labels in her twenty minutes of research, ignored Richard’s ignorant comment. Pick your battles. “I’m sure we’ll all be fine. Do you know anything else about her?”

Richard shrugged. “She’s been in the system for about nine months. Her birth parents were abusive, and it’s very unlikely they’ll get custody back. That’s all I know.”

“Thank you,” Taylor said, even though it was the last thing she wanted to say, “I’ll need her files soon.”

“Of course,” he said, though Taylor doubted he’d actually act upon his promises. “You all have a nice night.”

“You too,” Taylor said, closing the door. Karlie and Josie were descending the stairs by this point. “Hey, Josie! Do you like your room?”  
Josie nodded. “It’s my favorite color,” she said shyly.

“Blue is your favorite color too?” Karlie asked, “That’s cool!” Josie smiled.

“Alright, it’s pretty late, so I think it’s probably time you get to bed,” Taylor said. “Do you want anything to eat first? I think we have some chocolate chip cookies,” she gave Karlie a wink.

“Yes, please!” Josie said, excitedly. Her nerves seemed to dissipate slightly. The three of them went to the kitchen and all had cookies with tall glasses of milk. Josie didn’t talk much, mostly busying herself with eating. 

“Alright, it’s time for bed,” Karlie chuckled after Josie finished her second cookie. They both went with her upstairs, and hovered around as she brushed her teeth. After getting into her pajamas, she curled up on the bed, hugging her stuffed animal tightly. 

“Do you want me to leave the bathroom light on?” Taylor asked. Josie nodded faintly, her eyes fluttering closed. Taylor closed the door to the bathroom most of the way, letting a sliver of light illuminate Josie’s bedroom. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Don’t hesitate to get Taylor and I if you need anything,” Karlie added before closing the door. It was almost ten thirty, so Taylor changed into an old t-shirt (it was actually Karlie’s, but their wardrobes had pretty much become one at this point in their relationship) and slid off her jeans. Karlie opened her laptop to answer a few last-minute emails, and Taylor grabbed her journal and a pencil from the nightstand. 

As she finally finished the email she’d started before they’d gotten the phone call, Karlie glanced over at her wife. These moments were some of her favorites. She’d always loved the slight crease in Taylor’s forehead as she chewed her pencil, no doubt concocting a line of delicious prose or clever lyric. Her face had been scrubbed clean of all makeup, and she was wearing glasses and no pants in the summer heat. This was the Taylor that very few others saw. 

She shook her head suddenly, brushing her bangs out of her eyes, and looked back at Karlie. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like a lovesick puppy.” Karlie sighed, rolling her eyes as Taylor giggled, whatever she’d been writing long abandoned. “Come here, you weirdo.” She gathered her wife into her arms, tangling their legs together. 

“What do you think of Josie?” Karlie asked, suddenly.

Taylor shrugged, “I don’t really know. We’ve barely known her for an hour. She’s adorable, though. I...this is going to sound weird, but I feel like I’ve known her my whole life. When we were all talking downstairs, nothing felt forced or awkward. She...she just fits.” Taylor took a deep breath. “And it’s scaring me.”

“Glad to see I’m not the only one who feels that way,” Karlie said, quietly. “I think it’s best if we just let things happen. We still don’t really know her yet, so let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. If this is meant to be, things will fall into place. And if they don’t, we’ll figure it out. We always have.”

There was nothing else to be said, so Taylor planted a kiss on her wife’s lips, turned off the light, and took off her glasses. Karlie fell asleep first as usual, so Taylor let herself stop worrying for a minute and relaxed to the peaceful sounds of her breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is! Tomorrow is the first day of NaNoWriMo, but I've had a bit of a head start on this fic. Hopefully that'll help me out later on.
> 
> I'd like to mention that I'm not autistic, but I have done quite a bit of research and talked to my lovely friend @sunshinesanvers [on wattpad] who is. But neither of us can speak for the entire community, so if you know more than me and see something I've portrayed poorly, don't hesitate to let me know! Saying that though, there are moments in the story when Karlie and Taylor aren't going to get things completely right (or when other characters will say ignorant things *coughs* Richard) so be patient with our giraffes as they figure things out.
> 
> Happy Halloween!
> 
> ~Vi


	2. II

"Good morning, Ms. Josie," Taylor said while flipping pancakes. The five year old had wandered downstairs, still squeezing that stuffed animal. Her dark brown curls were tousled after a long night's sleep.

"Morning, Ms. Taylor," she replied, shyly.

"You don't have to call me 'Ms.'," Taylor corrected her quickly, "Just Taylor is fine."

"Okay," Josie said, glancing over to the stove. "Pancakes?"

"Yeah," Taylor said. She expertly flipped one. "I hope that's okay with you." Josie nodded. They slipped into a silence which Taylor felt as though she should try to fill. "So, we didn't really get to know each other very much last night. Do you mind me asking you some things?" Josie shrugged, rubbing her cheek with the back of her thumb, a gesture Taylor would soon learn to be a sort of comfort for her. "Okay, what's your favorite food?"

"Pasta," Josie replied with a small smile. "And cheesy pasta."

Taylor chuckled. "Mac and cheese is one of my favorites too. Is there anything that you really don't like?"

Josie shrugged again, "I don't know."

She wasn't really surprised by the answer. After being foster parents for nearly two years, they were used to the uncertainty of kids to refuse any kinds of food, especially if they had ever been deprived of it. It still broke Taylor's heart to think about any child not having enough to eat, but she had almost become desensitized to it by this point.

"Okay, how about any allergies? Are you allergic to anything?"

"Pineapple. It makes my mouth go all funny."

Taylor made a mental note of this, "Good to know." They were distracted by the sound of someone descending the stairs. "Good morning, sunshine!"

"Morning, babe," Karlie mumbled, stifling a yawn. She walked into the kitchen and slid her arms around Taylor from behind, resting her head on Taylor shoulder. "How'd you sleep, Josie?"

"Good," she replied shyly.

"That's good. Does that koala you have there have a name?"

Josie squeezed it tighter and smiled. "Mr. Waffles!"

Taylor laughed. "That's an excellent name. It suits him. Now why don't you and Mr. Waffles go sit down at the table for breakfast."

"Okay."

~*~

Taylor was scrolling through an article on her laptop with a furrowed brow when Karlie came stepped out of the bathroom. Her dripping hair wrapped in a towel, she looked over Taylor's shoulder. "Whatcha reading, babe?"

"Put some clothes on and then we'll talk," Taylor replied, her eyes not straying from the screen.

"Well, if you insist," Karlie said, turning are round to walk into the closet, fully aware that Taylor was sneaking a peek at her ass. She pulled on her pajamas and flopped back onto the bed next to her wife. "I'm dressed now. What's up?"

Taylor sighed. "There's all these articles about autism that I've been getting into, and there's just so much. Like there's all these controversies surrounding," she glanced to the screen, "ABA therapy. And apparently Autism Speaks is a shit charity too. There's just like this whole world that we don't know anything about and I don't know..."

"Okay," Karlie interjected slowly, "But we'll learn. There's no need to get overwhelmed about it."

"Yeah, but there's just so much and so many decisions to be made and I don't want to be a negative influence on if we get something wrong," Taylor continued, disregarding Karlie's advice.

"Taylor," her wife said firmly. "You need to calm down. Nothing we do in these next few weeks is going to scar Josie for life. We're going to do our best to make her feel loved and accepted exactly as she is, and with that intent, we're going to make the right decisions most of the time."

Taylor sighed. "You're right, obviously. I don't know why I'm stressing so much about this."

Karlie smiled, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Try and relax a bit. We'll keep reading stuff and try to educate ourselves so we can help her as best we can, but it's nothing to get so worked up over."

"You're right. I'll try."

~*~

Four days after Josie had come to live with them, Richard still hadn't sent her files. Unfortunately, it was nothing out of the ordinary. Things tended to take an obnoxious amount of time. So, while Karlie and Taylor were left with a nagging worry in the back of their minds about what horrors Josie's past consisted of, they tried to focus on getting to know each other better.

First of all, Josie loved music. Taylor had come back from a meeting at the label to find her, transfixed while kneeling on the piano bench. She watched as Josie clumsily picked out a melody that sounded roughly like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

"Sounding good, Jo!" Taylor remarked, observing how Josie stuck out her tongue in concentration, a mannerism she shared with Karlie.

Josie smiled. "Thank you," she said shyly. "Can you play something?"

"Okay." Taylor sat next to her foster daughter on the piano bench and let her hands find the familiar chords to the song Josie had just been playing.

Josie immediately recognized the song when Taylor started singing, and beamed. "I love that song!"

Taylor chuckled. "I figured." She continued playing, and Karlie soon wandered into the room to see what the ruckus was all about.

"This is the best part about being married to a musician," she told Josie. "I recommend it."

"Ew!" she squealed, "I'm never getting married!"

"I'm said that at your age too, buddy." Karlie laughed loudly, throwing her head back. "Do you guys want a snack? There's a still a few cookies left."

"Karlie," Taylor said in a warning tone, "It's almost six thirty. We should be making dinner, not giving the little one cookies."

"But I want a cookie!" Josie said, pouting.

Karlie sighed. "Taylor's right, baby. You can have one later."

"Please can I have just one now?" she pleaded, letting a slight whine slip into her voice.

"Josie, we said no," Taylor said, firmly. "Maybe after dinner if you're good." It didn't strike her as a harsh thing to say, but when she stood up from the piano bench, Josie flinched back, as if expecting a much more violent gesture. "Hey," Taylor said in a much gentler tone.

"I'm sorry!" Josie squeaked while shrinking back into herself even further, as though she was trying to make herself as small as possible. "I won't be bad, I promise!"

"Josie," Karlie said, softly, "We're not mad at you." She tentatively unfurled Josie's clenched fists, and when no rejection came, pulled her into a hug. She could feel Josie's heart racing as she curled into her chest, and wondered who could have it in them to hurt this innocent soul. "I promise we're not mad at you," Karlie reiterated, and Josie decided that she liked the way she could hear and feel Karlie's voice through her chest. Karlie's arms wrapped around her felt nice, and made her feel safe, nothing like her real mommy's.

But she had to make sure she could trust them. "You're not going to hurt me?"

"Of course not!" This time, the reply came from Taylor, who's eyes were shining from something Josie couldn't quite put a name to -- sadness? "Karlie and I would never ever hit you, even if we're mad."

"Okay."

Karlie smiled, brushing curls out of Josie's doe-like eyes. "You ready for dinner now?"

"Okay," Josie said again, but when Karlie made a move to break the hug, she clung on tightly.

Taylor allowed herself to laugh. "Karlie gives great hugs, huh?"

Josie nodded. "Mhmm."

~*~

Josie was on the way to her room when she heard a cell phone ring. She didn't mean to eavesdrop, honestly, but something kept her glued into place when Taylor answered it. "Hi Mom," she said cheerfully.

They exchanged what seemed to be boring small talk for about a minute and Josie was getting ready to leave when she heard Taylor say, "I'm worried about her, Mom." Taylor paused. "She's been really shy around us and doesn't like to share anything, and I know it's only been a week, but I don't know how to open up that bridge of communication."

Josie assumed they were talking about her. Taylor continued, "No, she hasn't." She paused again. "Mom, she's been the model kid. Like, too perfect." Her voice went quieter. "I've been reading up on some of the stuff they put these kids through. It's sick, Mom. They force them to act like us and it fucks them up for life." Josie could hear her voice crack, and now she was confused. This couldn't be about her. She'd never been through anything like that...right? She was in therapy, but that was just teaching her how to act right, wasn't it?

She heard Taylor sigh and flop down onto the couch. "No, they haven't sent me her paperwork yet. I've called Richard at least once a day this week..." She heard an even longer sigh. "I just...I don't know how to bring it up with her, Mom. Like do I just outright ask, 'do you know what kind of therapy you were in?' Does she even know? Why would she tell me? We've barely known her for a week."

There was silence for about a minute, and Josie assumed Taylor's mom was probably giving her a plethora of advice. Then, Taylor said softly, but with conviction, "We really love her and just want her to feel safe and happy here, and like she can be herself." Another pause. "Yeah, I'll talk to Karlie when she gets home. Okay, bye Mom. Thank you."

Josie stayed standing where she was for a few minutes, silently processing the conversation. She wasn't really sure what anything meant. But she felt a sort of warm, squeezy feeling in her chest. Taylor says she loves me. Josie had never been told that before. She felt her hands begin to flutter and allowed herself five secret hand flaps. Then she quickly clasped them together in front of herself, stopping the movement. Taylor's not going to love me if I do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Call it what you want but apparently I'm not completely failing at this whole NaNoWriMo thing! (see what I did there? *winks*) Hope you enjoyed chapter 2! Chapter 3 is already mostly written, so you'll get that tomorrow. 
> 
> 7 days until reputation! (it's actually 11:32 right now so it'll be 6 in like half an hour)
> 
> ~Vi


	3. III

They'd planned a family outing but Taylor had a slight emergency at the label and had to run. (It was nothing major, but one of the musicians had her first major breakup and there was no way Taylor wasn't helping her write at least one hit out of that one). So it ended up being just Karlie and Josie, which was fine with everyone. They needed to create time for her to be able to bond with her parents one on one.

Karlie drove to a diner chain for a rather late breakfast and she let her daughter order anything she wanted. When they arrived, Josie couldn't take her eyes off the menu, skimming all of the food options.

"Indecisive huh?" Karlie smiled, "You're like me. Taylor is the type of person who orders the same thing every time, but I like to mix it up."

"Hmmm," Josie replied, still reading the menu. Karlie could tell she was starting to get a little overwhelmed by the options.

"Want me to help you choose something?" Josie nodded. "Okay, do you want something sweet or savory?"

"Sweet," Josie promptly replied.

"Okay," Karlie said, "How about pancakes? Or waffles?"

"Waffles," Josie said, a smile spreading across her face. "And I'm not like you."

"Huh?" Karlie asked, her earlier comment having already been forgotten.

"I like getting the same thing every time."

"Oh," Karlie replied, "Okay. That's fine too."

After breakfast, they walked around town window shopping and Josie began telling Karlie about some of her favorite things. "Yeah, so I like math the most in school because it's easier and makes more sense. There's alway one right answer. With English and History it's not as logical and so it's more confusing."

"I know what you mean," Karlie agreed, "I like math and science too for the same reason. But what about things like art and music?"

Josie shrugged. "We didn't really have art or music classes at my old school. But I've always wanted to learn a bunch of instruments. Like the piano, and the saxophone, and the bass, and...and everything!" She beamed, bouncing up and down.

Karlie chuckled, "Well, that's more of Taylor's department than mine, to be honest. I'm pretty much tone deaf, and it drives her crazy." She tried to keep up a lighthearted tone, but while she was talking, she noticed Josie abruptly stop bouncing. Her hands were stiff at her sides, clenched into fists, and Karlie was sure that she was trying to act "normal." It broke her heart, just a little.

"What kind of music do you like?" she asked, in an attempt to change the subject.

"Oh, um, I don't really know. I didn't used to listen to much. But sometimes, I went on a field trip to the library at school and I would go on the computer and listen to music. I think Matilda is my favorite, because it's my favorite book."

"Oh, is that a musical?" Karlie asked. She'd never seen it, but she was pretty sure she'd heard of the book being turned into a Broadway musical a few years back.

Josie nodded. "Yes. Also, I don't like loud music with lots of drums very much because it hurts my ears. And I like guitar. It sounds pretty, especially when Taylor plays it. And piano."

Karlie smiled, "Yeah, you're definitely Taylor's daughter."

"I thought I was both of your daughters?" Josie said, furrowing her brow in confusion.

"It's just an expression," Karlie informed her quickly, "It means that you're very similar to Taylor, so it makes sense that you're her kid."

"Oh, okay," Josie replied. The two of them continued walking through town, eventually stopping in a toy store and walking out with 20 different colors of play-doh because Karlie couldn't resist the smile that spread across Josie's face when she saw it.

They were heading back to the car when Karlie got a car from Taylor. "Hey, babe!" she said, "Are you guys back home already?"

"Nope," Karlie replied, "We were just about to leave though."

"Well, if you two are interested, Chelsea and I are in the studio right now. We're gonna try to lay down a track today. I thought you could bring Josie around to show her all the equipment and stuff."

"Okay!" Karlie replied, "Let me just ask her." She pulled the phone away from her ear. "Hey, Josie? How would you like to see the recording studio where Taylor works sometimes? It's where the music gets made, so there's lots of cool stuff there."

Josie nodded, "Okay."

"We're on our way," Karlie relayed to Taylor.

Karlie led Josie into the familiar building. "They're down the hall, third door to the right," someone lugging an amp informed them with a smile. Karlie couldn't remember his name for the life of her, but they'd definitely met before. He'd done some work with the first person Taylor signed, and he was always at the annual 13 Records barbeque.

She opened the door cautiously, just in case they were recording. "Hi babe," Taylor said, getting up to give her a quick kiss. "Hi Josie! Did you have a good breakfast?" Josie nodded, too preoccupied with taking everything in to reply. "This is Chelsea," Taylor gestured to a pink-haired woman sitting on the floor with a guitar and a sheet of paper in front of her, "And that's Stef." She pointed to another woman sitting in a swivel chair by the mixing table.

"Hi Josie," both women said. "Do you want to hear what we've been working on today?" Stef added.

"Okay!" she said, flopping onto the beige couch in the control room. Stef hit play on the computer, and a rough version of the track began to play on the speakers. It was just the guitar part and main vocal, but with a few sessions, Karlie knew it would turn into a radio-worthy single. Josie sat perfectly still through the whole thing, and clapped loudly when it finished. "Do you like it?" Chelsea asked, smiling.

"Yes!" she replied enthusiastically.

"So, what music do you like?" she asked, walking over and taking a seat next to Josie, while Taylor and Stef began writing a list of what they needed to get done production-wise.

Josie shrugged. "I don't know. I like Matilda," she said, echoing what she told Karlie that morning.

"Ooh! I used to be into that!" Chelsea said, running over to the keyboard. "Do you know 'Naughty'?"

"Yeah!" Josie said, joining her on the piano bench. Chelsea started playing the chords from memory, after taking a couple tries to remember them, and Josie came in right on time without a cue. Taylor looked over with raised eyebrows as she sang the song surprisingly well. She stayed in key the entire time, and, for a six year old, her voice wasn't even bad. Not to mention, she knew all of the lyrics from memory. Chelsea joined her in singing, when she knew the words, but Josie pretty much held her own throughout the song.

"Looks like you've got another pop star on your hands," Stef nudged Taylor.

Taylor shook her head and said, only half-jokingly, "Not on my watch. No way. Karlie and I promised each other that we would not allow our kids to be subjected to any of that nonsense. Honestly, I'm praying to God that she'll want to be something totally boring, like a plumber."

Stef chuckled, but then turned to Taylor with raised eyebrows, "So you're thinking that this might turn into a long term thing?"

Taylor shrugged, but a smile crept onto her face unbidden. "Yeah, don't tell Josie yet but we're seriously considering adoption."

"I can tell that there's something special about her," Stef grinned, "You've never brought any of the other kids you fostered to the studio before. And you've been talking about her 24/7."

"It's weird but there's just some instinctual feeling that the both of us have that this is our child. Not that we didn't love any of the others, but they just didn't click the way she does."

"She's a special kid," Stef agreed, "And I think the two of you are gonna end up needing her just as much as she needs you."

"We already do," Taylor said, smiling as she watched Chelsea explain basic song structure to Josie. "We already do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't really take credit for being good at NaNoWriMo because this chapter was already written beforehand (I like writing out of order okay) but here you go! Here we get some more insight into what Taylor's job looks like now. I can't imagine she'd ever be able to fully step away from music (she's said so herself) and the next step for an artist with her level of success after their contract runs out is usually to start a record label of their own. I could totally see real Taylor doing this in the future, seeing as she's such a mentor to young artists (not to mention the pay is amazing).
> 
> ~Vi


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of abuse and use of ableist slurs

It was nearly two weeks into Josie’s stay with the Swift-Kloss’ when Richard decided to be competent and send her files. Both women heard the notification on their phones go off at the same time, like some sort of pretty little liars scenario. But instead of a creepy stalker who wanted to kill them for seemingly no reason, it was just a rather incompetent social worker. 

“Finally,” Taylor huffed as she waited for the files to download on her phone. She squinted at the small print, not having put in her contacts. Karlie leaned over her shoulder to read while the TV played cartoons in the background. The two sat in silence for a couple minutes reading. A couple of phrases stood out from the rest:

...diagnosed with Level 1 Autism at 22 months...

...in Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy for 2 years...

...hospitalized for multiple burns resulting from domestic violence...

Karlie's hand snaked around Taylor's waist and their fingers interlaced out of habit. “It's a lot,” she said, sighing. “I always think we've become desensitized, but it still hurts to hear about.”

“Yeah,” Taylor agreed, letting her eyes stray over to Josie as she half petted a sleeping Olivia and half watched SpongeBob. “Do you think we should talk to her about it?”

Karlie paused for a moment to gather her thoughts before replying. “I think she's going to be okay for right now. We'll talk about things when they come up organically. We don't want to overwhelm her.”

Taylor sighed, brushing her curls out of her eyes. “You're right. Besides, I doubt she'll want to talk about any of it. Not yet. She needs to trust us and feel safe here first.”

~*~

The room was light minimally with one yellow lamp. Josie was sprawled on the floor drawing with new crayons. Right now, she was drawing spirals. She liked spirals, they looked really cool when you drew a bunch of them in rainbow colors all over the page. 

She liked when the house was like this. She liked being alone. Everything was quiet and she could pretend to be in another world, in another life where she had a nice mommy and daddy, like Ms. Honey in Matilda. Josie found that book in the library when she went with her doctors, as mommy liked to call them. She didn’t like them much, but the library was fun. 

The front door slammed and Josie’s head shot up. They were home. And they were arguing. “Yeah, well you weren't at a friend's house. You were up at her place fucking her brains out!”

“Are you fucking stupid? I told you, I wasn't! You're making shit up.” 

She unbuttoned her coat and aggressively threw it to the floor. “I saw you! I fucking saw you! You're lying and you know it!”

He sighed, shoving past her into the living room, his steps uneven. He'd been drinking. Suddenly, he tripped over the box of crayons lying on the floor. “Josefina! Look what you made me fucking do!” Breathing heavily, he picked himself off the floor. “Get this shit off the floor and get me a beer,” he shoved her down roughly as he made his way to the couch. 

Josie, who scrambled to comply, was still wobbly on her feet as she ran to the kitchen. She hated when her parents were like this. They could be nice sometimes, but never when they were drunk. When she walked back into the living room, Daddy had turned on the TV and was watching football. “Josie, what did I say about the crayons?” he shouted suddenly, making her jump. He rose off the couch and shoved her down again into the mess of crayons lying on the floor. “Pick them up!” he yelled. 

She bit the inside of her cheek to keep the tears at bay shoving the crayons into the box. Mommy came back into the room with eyes like fire to pick up the argument when she left off. There was no escaping her wrath, so Josie stayed put with shaky hands as she finished picking up the crayons and tried to block out her parents’ voices that made her head ache. 

She could only fight it off for a couple of minutes before the noise was too loud and the TV was too bright and everything was just too much.

So she buried her face in her knees and covered her ears and rocked back and forth, back and forth like the ocean or a late night car ride or a cradle and hoped they were too busy screaming at each other to notice her…

“Josefina!” Mommy screamed. 

No such luck. 

“Stop that!” The slap was quick, coupled with a scratch from the ring on her finger. “We've talked about this! Do you want to look like a fucking retard?” 

“No!” Josie yelped in response, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…” She continued to mutter the words under her breath, tears streaming down her face, still rocking because it helped ease the ache in her chest and head while Mommy continued to scream. She felt a weight on her stomach and flinched away with a gasp.

Josie’s eyes shot open as she found herself being prodded awake by Meredith. The old cat had taken a liking to her. She mewled questioningly. “It's okay,” Josie whispered, not quite sure if she was reassuring herself or the feline. “It was just a bad dream.” Except for it hadn't always been just a dream. 

Her heart still pounding, she tangled her sweaty hands into Meredith’s soft coat. The thought of getting Karlie or Taylor crossed her mind -- Karlie had said to get them if she ever needed anything, after all -- but she quickly pushed it away. They would probably be upset at her for waking them up at this hour. Besides, it wasn't a big deal. It was just a dream.

So Josie lay there until dawn, with the weight of Meredith curled up on her stomach and her soft fur comforting her. She just hoped she was getting better. Taylor and Karlie were so nice, but that would surely change if they found her stimming. That's what happened with the last family, anyway. Why would things be any different with them?

Josie was still pondering this when Karlie knocked gently on her door. “You awake, buddy?” 

“Mhmm.”

“How'd you sleep?”

Josie didn't know how to answer this, so she shrugged noncommittally.

“Not the best, huh,” Karlie said, noticing the tiredness in her eyes. “Meredith was keeping you company, I see.”

Josie smiled. “Yeah.”

“Was there any reason in particular why you couldn't sleep?”

“Bad dream,” she offered tentatively, testing the waters. 

Karlie's face morphed into one of concern. “Oh, that's not fun. Why didn't you come get one of us?”

“I don't...I don't know,” Josie said softly, even though she did. Getting Karlie would've meant talking about it, and they would never be able to understand.

“Well, if it happens again, don't hesitate to wake us up. Nightmares suck, but having to deal with them alone is even worse.” She brushed Josie’s curls out of her eyes. “Got it?”

Josie didn't know if she would, but figured a little lie here might be for the best. “Got it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I'm doing very badly at this whole NaNoWriMo thing... But do not fear! I will not abandon this story! I'm just awful at time managing between this and school and synchro (oh and also rep came out and it killed me for a bit so...)
> 
> Thanks for sticking around, and sorry for the angst (let's be fair, it's what you signed up for with me)
> 
> ~Vi
> 
> P.S. the Songs Taylor Loves playlist is excellent to write to!


	5. V

“I like this song!” Josie beamed, swinging her legs in the car seat in the back. 

Taylor laughed, glancing back at her in the rear view mirror. “Me too! It’s by a woman named Carly Simon. Karlie was named after her, actually!”

“Mmm,” Josie hummed uninterestedly. The two were on their way to the city to the label where Taylor had some meetings to attend. Meanwhile, Karlie had flown out for a photoshoot yesterday morning and wouldn’t be coming home until dinner. Modeling had become a lesser part of her career--she simply could keep up with the same busy travelling schedule of her twenties--but she didn’t hesitate to take on a project if it didn’t involve being away for long periods of time. 

Taylor pulled into her designated parking spot (painted with a snake wearing a crown and a rainbow, because of course it was) and helped Josie out of her car seat. As they walked into the building, Josie grabbed tentatively grabbed Taylor’s hand. 

“Hey, Jaden!” Taylor called to the publicist as they walked in. They fell into step behind him on the way to the conference room. They were the last ones to arrive, Taylor taking her spot at the head of the table. She handed Josie her phone to play games on. Jaden dramatically pulled out his laptop, rolled up his sleeves, and tied his dreadlocks into a ponytail. Normally he was a cheerful, funny guy; this is how they knew he meant business.

“Okay, so we all know why we’re here. The baguette incident. Or “Baguette-gate,” as I like to call it.”

“Oh, please,” Taylor groaned, dropping her head in her hands, “It’s not a fu-” she suddenly remembered the five year old sitting next to her, “...a big enough deal to be called Baguette-gate.”

“Okay, Miss Kissgate, tell that to Patricia. She’s threatening to sue.”

Despite the name, Baguette-gate was no laughing matter. Metamorphosis, one of 13 Records’ most successful bands, was being threatened with a lawsuit. Lincoln, the bass guitarist had a little too much to drink at one of their last concerts, and when a French fan threw a baguette on stage, he took a bite and flung it back into the crowd, hitting an unsuspecting mom in the face. Needless to say, she was not pleased.

Discussing their plan for a response became tedious and boring. Twenty minutes in, Taylor found herself absentmindedly doodling flowers and stars. When she looked over at Josie, she wasn’t doing much better. Noticing her fidgeting, Taylor stood up. “Let’s all take five.”

Begrudgingly, Jaden agreed, and the rest of the people looked happy to have a break. Meetings seemed impossibly longer during the summer months, or at least they did to Taylor, who liked to revel in as much warm weather as was possible in New York.

Just as she and Josie were leaving the room, they ran into Chelsea. “Josie! Hey girl!” she exclaimed, happily. “Long time no see! Do you want a hug?” Josie shook her head shyly. “Okay, how about a high-five?” Josie smiled and stuck her hand out.

“Hey, Chels, what are you doing here?” Taylor asked. Out of all of the people she’d signed, Chelsea was secretly her favorite. They’d crossed paths at a particularly rough spot in Chelsea’s life, and both Taylor and Karlie felt particularly protective over her. 

Chelsea shrugged, “Oh, there’s painters at my apartment right now, and I didn’t really have anywhere else to go.”

“Do you have somewhere to go tonight? You shouldn’t be breathing in paint fumes.” Chelsea rolled her eyes, but secretly appreciated Taylor’s worry.

“Yeah, I’m staying at a friends,” Chelsea said. “Alice’s,” she clarified to ease any worry.

“Okay. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything, though.” Taylor’s concern could come across as overbearing, but she could never fully erase the image from her mind of Chelsea turning up on her doorstep sometime around midnight with a black eye and a busted lip...

“You know I won’t.” Their conversation was interrupted by Jaden, who was shepherding everyone back into the conference room. “Hey, if you want I can take Josie with me so she doesn’t have to sit through meetings,” Chelsea offered.

“Would you? Thank you so much. How does that sound, Josie?”

“Good!” Josie gave two thumbs up.  
“I’m honored,” Chelsea grinned. “C’mon, let’s go!”

~*~

“Okay, so this is a C major scale. You can tell because it sounds happy,” Chelsea demonstrated the scale as Josie watched, wide-eyed. “But this is a C minor scale. It sounds sad.” Chelsea noticed Josie’s fascination. “Why don't you try?”

“Okay!” Josie clambered up onto the bench. 

Chelsea scooted over. “I'm going to play it an octave down, which means it's the same notes, just lower.” They painstakingly made their way up and down the scale a few times with Josie copying Chelsea’s movements meticulously.

“You're doing great! I should probably teach you some chords if you want to play songs. Those are more fun than scales.” It took about 30 minutes because Josie couldn't sit still for long, but she was finally able to mostly play a C, G, Am, and F chord. 

“You can play a whole bunch of songs with just those four chords,” Chelsea told her as they walked to the vending machine. “Probably over half of Taylor's songs use them if you put them in the key of C.”

“What's a key?” Josie asked.

“I'll explain them to you when we get back to the room.” Chelsea picked Josie up so she could reach the vending machine keypad (pushing the buttons excited her) and they started walking back to the room with a couple bags of chips and bottles of apple juice. “So, how do you like Taylor and Karlie?” Chelsea asked cautiously, not wanting to intrude, but wanting to establish herself as somebody Josie could trust.

She smiled. “They're very nice, and pretty, and tall, and Karlie makes really yummy cookies, and--”

“Woah there, partner,” Chelsea joked. “They're pretty great, aren't they? Look, I know what it's like when you...don't have the best birth family. It can be hard to trust people, sometimes. But I promise that Karlie and Taylor are the kind of people you can count on. They really mean it when they say they care about you. So, you don't have to completely trust them, or me, or anyone yet--those things take time--but, I guess I just want you to know that they're the real deal.”

Josie was silent for a bit, and Chelsea began to worry she'd overstepped. But, suddenly, Josie threw herself at her, hugging her tight. The contact took her by surprise seeing as it wasn't usual behavior for the girl, but Chelsea hugged back, understanding what Josie was trying to say without words. 

When she pulled away, Josie only had one question. “Are you the real deal too?” she asked, imitating Chelsea’s words from earlier.

Chelsea laughed as the cheerful mood began to return. “I guess so."

When Taylor found them 20 minutes later, Josie had halfway memorized the circle of fifths and had orange cheeto dust all over her fingers and face. “Looks like you two had fun,” Taylor chuckled, grabbing a wipe from her purse to clean Josie’s hands.

Josie shrank back, avoiding the wipe. “That smells icky!”

“Okay, no wipes,” Taylor said, “But we are marching to the bathroom right now so you can wash your hands, young lady!”

Josie pouted, but her charade didn't last long and she burst out laughing. “Okay.” Taylor followed her into the bathroom and made Josie’s face was scrubbed spotless. 

“If you don't eat your dinner, Chelsea’s gonna hear from me,” she muttered under her breath. When they emerged from the bathroom, they found that Chelsea had hijacked the speaker system and was playing some of Taylor's old music. “Chelsea...you are on thin ice,” Taylor deadpanned.

“Taylor, it's you!” Josie realized. By this point a small crowd had joined. The label was trying to give Josie space, but everyone in the office that day walked by at one point or another to catch a glimpse of the boss’ kid. 

“Do you like Taylor's music?” someone asked, and when Josie nodded, there began a label-wide obsession with which of her mom’s songs were her favorite. Taylor was wary of how Josie would respond to the attention, but she needn't have worried. As long as everyone kept their voices down, she seemed to be having a good time.

After a rather intense jam session to “Picture to Burn” which Josie somehow knew most of the lyrics to (Taylor suspected Karlie may have been to blame for that one), Jaden asked the bomb of a question: “So, what's your favorite?”

Josie thought for a minute. “I like Karlie's song. It's pretty."

Taylor furrowed her brow. “Which one? There's a lot of those, babe.”  
Chelsea, who seemed to have some psychic ability when it came to Josie’s thoughts, was already putting on “You Are in Love.” 

“Yes!” Josie said. Then, scrunching up her nose, “But whenever Karlie plays it she and Taylor kiss and it's gross.” This garnered a chorus of awws and wolf-whistles from the crowd. 

“Okay,” Taylor said, blushing slightly, “I think you've had enough fun humiliating me. Josie and I have to get home to make dinner.” As they walked out the door, Josie turned and gave a shy wave, which made a smile spread across Taylor's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, so I pretty much failed on this whole NaNoWriMo thing. BUT!!! I've decided to make myself a writing schedule and post it here so you guys can yell and me and hold me accountable if I don't follow it. I'll be updating something once per week, alternating between Quiet and my one shots book (so sorry to the people who requested things months ago!)
> 
> Hope you liked the chapter!
> 
> ~Vi


	6. VI

Josie was silent for most of the car ride home. Taylor didn't push her to talk; she knew it had been a long day and even though it had been fun, the five year old was likely tired out. It wasn't until they were making dinner that she spoke. Well, Taylor was making dinner and Josie was sitting on stool at the bar playing with polly pockets. Taylor had refused to buy barbies because of their "unattainable beauty standards." (Karlie teased that being big enough to fit in a pocket wasn't really an attainable beauty standard either and only stopped when Taylor threatened to make her sleep on the couch.)

"Taylor?" Josie asked.

"Mmmm?"

"Why do so many of your songs say 'he' instead of 'she' when they're about Karlie?" The question had Taylor blind-sighted, although she supposed she should have expected it sooner or later. Surprisingly, she'd never been asked it before, but the four kids they fostered previously hadn't stayed long enough to know much about Taylor's music or career. Of course Josie, who was curious about everything, would want to know about her complicated past.

"It's...I'm trying to think of how to explain it...." she trailed off, not quite sure how to express the necessity of being closeted to a child. As she contemplated this, she stirred the soup absentmindedly. "You know how Karlie and I are gay, right?" Josie nodded. "Well, there's a lot of people who aren't okay with that. There's a lot less of them now because things are changing and people are realizing that it's okay to be different. But, back when I was like fifteen--"

"But why don't they like gay people?" Josie asked, rubbing her cheek with the back of her thumb.

Taylor sighed as she rummaged through the spice drawer. "Some people say that it's against their religion, that the Bible, or God, or whatever says that it's wrong. Or they say that it's not natural because two women or two men can't make a baby together, usually."

Josie frowned. "Why?"

"Oh," Taylor replied, because she didn't exactly anticipate having the sex talk with her five year old daughter on a Tuesday night. "Um, well a baby is made with a sperm, which is from a man, and an egg, which is from a woman. So, since both me and Karlie's bodies make eggs, we couldn't have a baby that is made from both of us. But there's still other ways to have kids, like adoption."

Taylor gave herself a mental pat for coming up with that answer on the spot.

"But you can still adopt kids, so why is it bad?"

"I don't know," Taylor said a little aggressively. She was frustrated by not being able to explain complex concepts of homophobia to Josie, and frustrated that she even had to. "Sorry. I'm not mad. It just confuses me as much as it confuses you. It's really never made sense to me why some people think it's okay to be so mean for no reason."

"So you had to say 'he' because otherwise people would be mean to you?"

Taylor moved to sit next to her. "Long story short, yes. Both Karlie and I were in the closet for a long time, which means we had to pretend that we liked guys."

"Why?" Josie asked, promptly. Taylor chided herself for introducing another point that would be difficult to explain.

"I...It's complicated," Taylor found herself saying again. "There's--" She was cut off by the sound of three syncopated knocks on the front door before it opened. They had developed the rhythm years ago, as a signal that it was Karlie, and not some crazy stalker, entering the house. Now, threats were few and far between, but they kept the knock partly out of habit and partly to keep Taylor's anxiety in check.

"I'm home!" Karlie called. Josie clambered down from her stool ("Careful!" Taylor said) and ran up, hugging Karlie's legs. "Hi, Buddy!" she chuckled, beaming at the unusual amount of affection.

"Hi Karlie!" Josie refused to stop hugging her, so Karlie was rather stranded in the living room for a bit. Taylor laughed and snapped a picture before relieving her wife of her bags and giving her a peck on the lips.

"Hey, baby," she said quietly. "Dinner's almost ready. How was the shoot?"

"It was good," Karlie replied, managing to untangle Josie from her legs and walking to the kitchen. "The pictures came out beautifully and we shot in this quaint little town--"

"Karlie?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you and Taylor pretend to like boys?"

Karlie looked up in surprise. "Huh?" Josie repeated the question, clearly becoming frustrated by the lack of answers.

"We were kind of talking about that before you got here," Taylor explained hastily, "She was curious about the pronouns in my old songs."

"Well, people usually assume that mostly everyone is straight--that they are attracted to men," Karlie started slowly, "because that's the case for most people. So, when you're not straight, you have to come out of the closet, which just means that you need to tell people that you're gay, or whatever you are. Does that make sense?"

Josie nodded.

"Okay, so before Taylor and I told people that we were gay, we kind of had to hide that we were together. So, if she was writing about me, she would have to pretend to be writing about a boy so that they wouldn't know."

"But that's not fair!" Josie pouted

"Life's not fair, sweetheart," Taylor said, apologetically.

"But...but it doesn't even make sense!"

"It doesn't," Karlie replied, patiently, "There's a lot of people who do or say or believe awful things, but you have to try your best not to let it upset you, because what they think doesn't matter. You know, and Taylor and I know that we're really no different from anybody else."

"And, if anyone at school, or anywhere, says anything mean to you about Karlie and I, what would you said to them?" Taylor interjected.

Josie thought for a moment. "That you're both very nice and just like everyone else and that they're a poopy-head for being mean," Josie giggled.

"I think that's a perfect response."

"Karlie, don't encourage her," Taylor said, stifling a laugh.

~*~

After successfully getting Josie to shower and into bed, Karlie and Taylor made their way into their own room. "I really need to shower," Karlie announced, dropping her suitcase on the floor. "Wanna join?"

Taylor rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop the smile from creeping onto her face. "May as well. We've gotta save water, right?" She shimmied out of her jeans and wiped the makeup off her face before joining her wife. They finally had time for a proper hug underneath the warm water.

"Long day, huh?" Karlie said sympathetically. Then, whispered as if it were a secret, "I missed you."

"I missed you two," Taylor said, tilting her head up so that their lips could meet. "I don't know how we used to spend months apart." She turned around so that Karlie's fingers could massage shampoo into her hair. "I had such a long meeting about today about the whole baguette debacle, and I had to bring Josie with me, of course. Thankfully, Chelsea was there and looked after her until I was done. But when we got home, Josie started asking all these questions about my old songs, and I don't know to explain that kind of shit to her..."

"What is it that's bothering you?" Karlie asked. She could tell there was an underlying problem.

"I don't know," Taylor said, her voice cracking. She tried to swallow away the lump in her throat, but failed when Karlie enveloped her into a hug and the tears started coming. "It's just so unfair to bring children into a world that is so hateful and damaged. They don't deserve any of this mess. It's not their fault. Josie's going to get so much shit for being autistic and we just dumped all of this other stuff on top of her by being gay, but also because of the whole fame thing..."

"Taylor," Karlie said firmly but patiently, "We've talked about this. It's not our fault that the world is like this, either. There's always going to be things out of our control, but that's true of any parent. We're no exception. And with the things that we can control, we'll make sure that Josie and any other future kids the best shot they can. I don't know if you know this, but I'm married to the world's biggest control freak."

Taylor laughed, wiping away tears. "You're right."

"I'm always right." They'd had similar conversations countless of times, about how their circumstances would affect their kids. Karlie knew it was a dilemma Taylor had struggled with long before they'd gotten together, so she tried to be patient, even if she found herself assuaging the same worries every couple of months.

They managed to finish showering without any more life crises, slipped into pajamas, and got into bed. Karlie had gotten an email with a few unedited shots from the shoot, so she let Taylor ogle over them. "When are we leaving for Rhode Island?" she asked.

Taylor tore her eyes away from the woman on the screen and looked over at the equally stunning one sitting next to her. "Friday." Karlie's birthday was the following day, and Taylor was flying the Klosses and Austin out to their beach house to celebrate, although Karlie didn't know this. She just thought it would be the three of them.

Karlie beamed. "Any hints to what my present is?"

Taylor sighed. "I already deleted my search history, so don't bother trying that again." Karlie pouted and reached over to turn off the light. She rolled over to wrap her arms around Taylor.

"I love you, good night."

"Love you too." Karlie was out like a light, and Taylor soon followed. It had been a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here's your biweekly update (now sunshinesanvers can stop pestering me). It's kind of a filler chapter, and for that I apologize, but I wanted to give you some fluffy before chapter 7 (*laughs evilly*).
> 
> I guess I'm starting these question thingys at the end of chapters. Do you celebrate any holidays this time of year? I celebrate Christmas (not really sure why since my family's not Christian but whatevs) and I'm going to my grandpa's house for it :) 
> 
> Happy Holidays!
> 
> ~Vi


	7. VII

On the day of her birthday, Karlie woke up to a kiss pressed to her forehead. "Happy birthday, gorgeous," her wife said.

"Morning," she mumbled, blinking as the brightness of the day seeped into the room. They'd arrived at the Rhode Island house yesterday afternoon following a long, tedious car ride filled with whining and potty breaks. There had been better days.

Karlie yawned. Something sweet was definitely being concocted in the kitchen, she noticed as the smell tickled her nostrils. "Have you been cooking?"

"Yeah," Taylor shrugged, twirling a lock of curly hair around her fingers: a nervous tick.

"What aren't you telling me?" Karlie interrogated, sitting up. "What's going on?"

"I've been having an affair for the entirety of our marriage and I'm leaving you," Taylor deadpanned.

"Sure, Jan."

"Karlie, that meme is like a decade old. Get your ass out of bed." Juxtaposing her teasing tone, she pulled her wife in for a tender hug, lightly stroking her back. "I love you."

She was dressed and showered, Karlie realized, and she was wearing that light blue button down that Karlie loved. "You smell nice."

"Thanks for saying that," she blushed. Then, standing abruptly, she sauntered out of the room. "Hurry up and get dressed. Wear something nice."

~*~

Even after twelve years together, Karlie still managed to take Taylor's breath away with her effortless beauty. Clad in a simple sundress, she tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear, while floating down the stairs as if they were a catwalk. "Morning, Tay," she said, planting a kiss on Taylor's lips, "Morning, Josie."

"Happy birthday, Karlie!" Josie beamed, happily.

"Show Karlie what you made for her," Taylor said. She turned back to the stove where Karlie's favorite vegan pancakes were cooking.

"I made you a card!" Josie presented it proudly. It had "Happy Birthday Karlie" printed on it in clumsy handwriting, complete with gold and hot pink glitter glue which hadn't completely dried yet.

"Thanks, buddy! It's beautiful! I love the glitter!" Karlie smiled, pulling her daughter into a quick hug.

"Alright, we need to hurry up and eat so we can clean up. And Josie needs to take a shower," Taylor said, setting a plate of pancakes on the table.

"Woah, clean up for what?" Karlie asked.

"Nothing. Just...thought it would be nice to have a clean house," Taylor replied hastily.

"Okay, what is going on here?"

"Taylor said to keep it a secret," Josie said. "You just have to be patient!" (She'd stolen that phrase from the drive up, when it had been mostly directed at her.)

Karlie sighed, "I guess you're right."

~*~

Karlie spent the morning trying to stay out of the way of Taylor, who was trying to cook and clean the house at the same time. Everytime Karlie offered to help, she'd been shooed out of the kitchen as Taylor muttered something about surprises. She made herself useful by coaxing Josie into taking a shower.

Karlie's patience paid off just after eleven when the doorbell rang. "You might want to go get that," Taylor said casually.

"Okayyy," Karlie said. She walked up to the door and looked through the peephole. "Taylor!" she squealed, "I thought we decided on nothing big!"

Taylor chuckled, "Open the door, babe."

Behind the door was a procession of Karlie's family: Tracy and Kurt, beaming, wrapped their daughter into a hug. "Happy birthday, honey!"

"Thirty-one, huh," Kimby teased, "Somebody's getting old."

"You're almost 30," Karlie pointed out.

"Don't remind me," Kariann groaned.

"Happy birthday, Aunt Karlie!" chorused two voices from behind Kristine.

"Hi, Alex! Hi, Eli!" Karlie crooned, kneeling down so that she could wrap the twins into a hug. "Wow, you've grown so much since I last saw you!"

Uninterested in her pleasantries, Eli asked, "Where's Aunt Taytay?"

"She's back in the kitchen--" the boys ran off before Karlie could get in another word. "Well, anyway, come in, you guys! This is crazy!"

"You had no idea at all?" Kurt asked.

"Nope," Karlie assured him. "Well, I knew Taylor was planning something, but I had no idea that you guys were flying in."

"Speak of the devil," Chris, Kristine's husband piped up as Taylor walked in with Alex on her hip, Eli clinging to her leg, and Josie holding her hand and trailing behind, shyly. The hilarity of the image suddenly reminded Karlie that this would be Josie's first introduction to her family. She met Taylor's eyes in a bit of a panic: was this something they had talked about? Taylor shot her a reassuring look and Karlie knew they had discussed it.

"I'm so glad you could all make it!" she beamed, "Rooms upstairs are all set up; you guys can take your pick."

"Oh, is that--"

"This is Josie," Karlie confirmed.

Kristine stepped forward first, "Hi, Josie, I'm Kristine. I'm Karlie's older sister."

"Hi," she replied softly, still half-hiding behind Taylor.

"It's very nice to meet you," Kristine continued. She held up her hand, "High five?" Josie smiled, clearly glad to have avoided a hug. As Karlie's family took turns ogling Josie, Karlie pulled Taylor aside.

"Thank you so much, babe," she said, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

Taylor smiled, "I'm happy that you're happy."

~*~

"Taylor, look out!" Kimby called. Taylor ducked just in time, narrowly avoiding the frisbee as it soared over the grill.

"Kimby, I swear to god, if that thing comes near me one more time..." she let herself trail off, the ambiguity of the threat working its purpose as the game of frisbee was relocated a good twenty feet further away. The heat of the sun beat down on the beach, causing the skyline to warp as it met the vast expanse of ocean visible. Skin slathered with sunscreen and shaded by hats, Taylor and Kurt manned the grill, flipping burgers for the hungry crowd awaiting them.

Taylor was setting the table when she looked up, only to discover that Josie and the boys had discarded their original plans of making sand castles and were now splashing in the spray of the waves. "Shit," she muttered underneath her breath. She was halfway down the beach to tell them off, heart pounding in her chest when she was stopped by Tracy.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"They're in the water," Taylor said by way of explanation.

"Okay," Tracy replied calmly. "And we've got," she paused for a moment to count, "Eight capable adults here who can swim, and who are all keeping an eye on the kids."

"But--"

"No," she said firmly, "Vigilance is important, but so is taking a step back and letting kids be kids. There's a fine line between being cautious and being over-protective. She's wearing floaties, and you told them all to not go anywhere they can't stand. You breathing over her shoulder 24/7 isn't going to help anything."

"You're right," Taylor sighed, dejectedly.

"It's not easy, but I promise she'll be okay. Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for. Ours all turned out fine," Tracy said reassuringly. She rubbed Taylor's shoulder. "Come on. Go get yourself a beer and relax a bit."

"Okay," Taylor smiled, grateful for the talk.

~*~

Lunch was a casual affair, with burgers (both veggie and regular) on the beach, but dinner was much more formal. Karlie coaxed Josie into wearing a dress they had bought for her. The food was set out and the tables were set -- one for the adults and one for the kids. Taylor had made lasagna because she knew birthdays were the one day Karlie let herself fully indulge in the cheesy goodness.

Josie was happy that she got to sit with Eli and Alex. They were both very nice and had proved to be excellent at building sand castles. It was part of the way through dinner when things began to take a turn for the worse. Everybody seemed to be talking so loud. Couldn't they hear how loud they were being? With every passing minute, noise pounded more and more into Josie's eardrums.

She began bouncing her legs up and down. The boys didn't seem to be having a problem. Why did it have to be so hard for her to behave properly? Josie tried to remember what the doctors had told her. Quiet hands, she reminded herself, clenching them into fists.

The noise was headache-inducing. It also didn't help that the lights were so bright in the dining room--had they always been like this? Josie could feel her chest tightening and her breath shortening. She squirmed around in her dress, which was much too itchy. But Karlie said she looked so beautiful, and she didn't want to make her upset. Not when she had been so kind.

Josie forced herself to take another bite of lasagna, although swallowing became difficult due to the lump in her throat. She wasn't going to cry, though. Not here. A whoop of laughter from the adults table caused her to wince. Josie stood up shakily. She needed to get out of here. She walked out of the room. Alex and Eli paid her no mind, too caught up in a serious conversation about Star Wars to ask her where she was going. Josie looked back to the adults table where her foster moms were talking animatedly. Hopefully she could calm down and come back before they even noticed she was gone.

She ran upstairs and into her room, collapsing on the bed. And Josie let herself fall apart, tears coming in waves as she began rocking back and forth. Karlie and Taylor are going to be so mad at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, I know I didn't stick with my schedule...please don't kill me. If you didn't see my message, my grandmother passed away in December and I wasn't really in the mood to write for a bit. And then, once I was, I was totally swamped with school work and studying for midterms and I didn't want to give you guys a half-assed chapter. Thankfully that's all behind me now, so I can go back to the schedule and give these stories the love and attention they deserve.
> 
> Also, I'm very sorry that I keep making horrible things happen to Josie. I love her as much as you do, and it hurts to write as much as it hurts to read. (Although it is kind of funny to watch your reactions mwahahahahaha). Don't worry, though. I'm a sucker for happy endings :)
> 
> Here's the question of the chapter: What is your dream career? Mine is to work behind the scenes in the music industry, probably as a producer or songwriter, and eventually to start a record label. I'd also love to do some work in the film industry, maybe with editing.
> 
> ~Vi


	8. VIII

It wasn't until they stood to clear up for dessert until anyone checked on the kids' table. "Hold on, where's Josie?" Taylor inquired.

"She's probably in the bathroom," Kristine supplied. "Alex?" He didn't answer, too engrossed with trying to see if he could subtly feed his vegetables to Olivia under the table. "Hey! Boys! Did you guys see where Josie went?"

Eli shrugged, "I don't know. She ran off a while ago."

Taylor's eyes met Karlie's across the table. Remembering her conversation with Tracy earlier, she battled her instincts and relinquished the responsibility to go check on their daughter to Karlie. "You go. I'll clean up here."

Karlie nodded and left the room. Tracy gave Taylor a warm smile.

~*~

Karlie didn't see her at first when she walked into the bedroom. "Josie?" she called tentatively. There was a sharp intake of breath from across the room. That's when Karlie noticed the rocking lump underneath the covers on the bed.

"Honey, what's going on?" she asked, walking over to the bed and pulling up the blanket. Josie let out a strangled cry and scooted away from her foster mom. She hugged her knees tightly to her heaving chest, her eyes squeezed shut.

Karlie realized her dress had been discarded haphazardly on the floor. "Josie," the girl flinched at Karlie's voice. "Josie," she said again, quieter this time, "I'm here to help you. But I can't do that unless you tell me what's going on." Josie let out a whine. "I need you to use your words, okay?" Karlie pleaded, "Tell me what you're feeling."

"Too loud. Too bright," Josie choked out. She dug her fingernails into her kneecaps, trying to pull it together, trying to just say still. She just hoped Karlie wouldn't be too mad at her.

"Hey, hey, hey. None of that," Karlie chided gently, pulling Josie's hands away.

"No!" Josie yelped, snatching her hands out of Karlie's grip. "No, no, no, no."

"Okay, I won't touch you," Karlie said. She internally smacked herself when Josie winced at the volume of her voice. She took a deep breath, steadying herself. So this is what a sensory overload looks like, she thought, feeling relieved that some of the research she and Taylor had been doing was actually useful.

She began getting up when Josie yelped frantically, "No, Mama, stay!"

"I'm right here, baby, I'm just going to turn the lights off," she said softly. She got up, flicking the light switch and closing the door. When she glanced back, Josie was sitting still with her hands pressed tightly over her ears.

Most troubling, though, was the speed of her breathing. Karlie had never been more grateful that she'd learned techniques to help Taylor when she used to get anxiety attacks. "Josie, we're going to try and take some deep breaths together, okay? I'm going to count: 4 counts in and 4 counts out. Do you think you can do that with me?" She didn't wait for an affirmation to begin, and took deep breaths exaggeratedly in hopes that her daughter would mimic her.

They both sat there for a few minutes, first counting regularly, then by twos, then by threes. There wasn't any particular reason for that except that Josie wanted to, and Karlie wasn't going to argue with that. Finally, when she stopped hyperventilating, Karlie held her arms out. "Do you want a hug?" she asked softly. Josie hesitated, squinting up at her. "It might feel nice," she offered. As Josie was deliberating, Karlie shot a quick text to Taylor, telling her to come up. She was feeling a little poorly equipped for the situation, and besides, this felt like something they needed to talk about together.

Eventually, Josie clambered into Karlie's arms, curling into her chest. Karlie cautiously rubbed her back. Her hands traced over bare skin, tactfully avoiding the the burn scar near her shoulder. Remembering the motion Josie had been doing when she walked in, Karlie began to rock her back and forth. "Does this feel good?" she asked.

Josie's head shot up, eyes wide. "No! I won't do it! I promise!"

"Sweetheart, I'm not mad--" Karlie began, but the damage was done.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," she gasped, clutching fistfuls of Karlie's dress.

A soft three knocks on the door cut through her pleas. "Come in," said Karlie distractedly.

Taylor opened the door, taking in the image of her sobbing daughter wrapped in her wife's arms. "Oh babe," she sighed, "What's going on?"

"No, no, no, no, no," Josie mumbled, "I didn't mean to, I won't do it, I'm not a retard!"

Taylor inhaled sharply. "Josie!" This was followed by a look from Karlie. "Josie," she said, more quietly this time, "Where did you hear that word?"

"My-my other mommy, but I'm not, I promise I'm not--"

"Honey, we know," Taylor interjected. "But, in this family we don't use that word. Ever. Not towards others or towards ourselves. It's not very nice."

"Oh," Josie squeaked, "I'm sorry."

"That's quite alright. You don't have to apologize for not knowing something," Taylor said. She sat down on the bed.

"Do you want to tell us what you're feeling? And what happened?" Karlie asked gently.

Josie buried her face into Karlie's chest. "It's too loud at dinner. And the lights are bright and they're hurting my brain. And the dress was too itchy. And I...I couldn't breathe," she offered quietly.

"I'm sorry you're feeling that way. That sounds like no fun," Taylor said. "Why didn't you come to Karlie or I?"

Josie shrugged. "You were having dinner."

"Honey, it doesn't matter if we're busy. We still want to help you if you're not feeling well," Taylor said.

"Okay."

"Are you ready to go back downstairs?" Karlie asked. Josie shook her head, curling tighter into Karlie's chest. "That's okay. Take your time."

"Josie, I know it's not totally the same, but I used to get pretty bad anxiety attacks a while back. So, to a certain extent, I know how you're feeling. It's not great." Josie reached out a hand and grasped a fistful of Taylor's shirt. "But Karlie and I both learned techniques to help--"

"Techniques?" Josie asked, cataloguing the new word into her brain.

"Ways...methods to help with them. So we're both kind of experts," Taylor joked. "But really, we've got experience. And with what we don't, we can all figure out ways to deal with together. As a family."

"Okay," Josie said, softly. This was something new. Nobody was getting mad at her. She was a little confused, but she felt safe here. Chelsea had told her to trust Karlie and Taylor. Josie believed Chelsea. She could feel her walls slowly coming down.

She even called Karlie "Mama" earlier. It had just slipped out; it wasn't even a conscious choice, really. Thankfully, Karlie hadn't mentioned it to her. Josie hoped she hadn't heard it in all of the commotion. She didn't think that was something she was ready to talk about just yet.

~*~

It was another couple of minutes before Josie felt ready to return downstairs. Taylor rummaged through her suitcase for a different outfit, selecting a cotton t-shirt and a pair of shorts. They were much more comfortable than the dress she had been wearing earlier.

After Josie bounded down the stairs, eager to catch up with Alex and Eli, Karlie and Taylor stayed back a little to talk. "You okay?" Taylor asked when her wife wordlessly collapsed into her arms. Karlie looked down to meet her eyes, unshed tears sparkling in her own. "Oh, baby," Taylor sighed, reaching a hand up to stroke her cheek.

"She's so...she's so little," Karlie said by way of explanation. Taylor somehow knew exactly what she meant: this tiny person had been through experiences and was fighting battles that appeared far too difficult for anyone, let alone a child.

"It's okay," Taylor cooed, running her fingers through Karlie's hair. "We're going to get her the help she needs, okay?"

"Taylor," Karlie suddenly realized, "Taylor, she called me 'Mama.'"

"What?"

"When I was...I was going to turn off the lights--I think she thought I was leaving the room--and she said, 'Mama, stay.' I don't even think she realized it." The revelation brought on a new wave of tears, this time, among both women.

"Wow," Taylor said, a smile spreading across her face.

"Yeah," Karlie breathed. "Wow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Welp. Sorry for the depressing chapter. You know me, I love angst. Also I'm actually sort of sticking to my schedule even though this was a day late lol :)
> 
> I saw It over the weekend, so I'm making this chapter's question: Have you ever seen It or another horror movie? Are you the type of person who gets scared easily? I definitely am. I'd never seen another horror movie before and I basically just hid my face behind a blanket the whole time. The part where he dances cracked me up tho lol.
> 
> ~Vi


	9. IX

“Taylor,” Karlie realized later that night as they were getting ready for bed, “You never gave me my third gift.” The first two--an ice cream making kit and a pair of earrings so expensive-looking that Kimby muttered “rich people” under her breath--had been handed out earlier, along with a card that promised a third.

“Oh,” Taylor said sheepishly, “I sort of forgot about it with everything going on tonight. It can always wait until tomorrow.” She drew closer to Karlie. “Do you want to guess what it is?”

“Can I have a hint at least?” Karlie pouted, even though she already had a pretty good idea of what it was.

Taylor sighed. “Fine, whatever. Starts with ‘Victoria’s,’ ends with ‘Secret.’”

“Hmmm, I wonder what that could be,” Karlie joked. “Wait are you wearing it right now?”

Taylor laughed. “Eager, aren't we? But yes, I am, if you must know. I just assumed you'd be worn out from all of the stuff with Josie earlier.”

“I am tired,” Karlie admitted, “But I'm sure we could make it work.” She patted the spot next to her on the bed.

“Whatever the birthday girl wants, she gets,” Taylor said, happily obliging. She unbuttoned her shirt and shimmied out of her shorts as her wife watched hungrily. 

“Damn, Tay,” Karlie whispered, still able to make Taylor blush. She took no time in removing Karlie's clothes and pushing her back onto the bed, but once there her movements slowed. They had time. Her fingers traced over the familiar surface of Karlie's lips, moving down her neck, and dipping into the valley of her collarbones. 

“Taylor, you're taking too long,” Karlie whined.

She rolled her eyes. “My apologies. I'm just trying to establish a mood here.” Regardless, she complied, tracing her lips down Karlie's toned stomach, kissing the inside of her thighs, and, finally, reaching where her wife wanted her. 

They hadn't had sex since a bit before Josie came into the picture--about two weeks--so Karlie came undone quicker than she usually would. As the orgasm rippled through her body, it stripped her bare emotionally, dredging up everything she had been suppressing. And so, for the second time that day, Karlie began crying. The tears were silent at first. It was only when she let out a noise somewhere between a laugh and sob when Taylor noticed.

“Kar? You okay?” she asked, wiping a hand over her mouth and crawling up next to her wife. “Are you laughing or crying?”

“I don't know!” Karlie hiccupped.

“Oh, Baby,” Taylor smiled fondly, letting her collapse in her arms. She let Karlie fall apart a little bit. “What's going on?”

“I don't know,” Karlie mumbled, burying her face into Taylor's chest.

“Does it have to do with Josie?” Taylor asked.

“I guess,” Karlie said. She was silent for a moment. “I think she needs professional help.”

“I agree,” Taylor said, “We can look into what kinds of therapy they have for autistic kids tomorrow.”

“No, but besides that,” Karlie said, “I think she needs talk therapy. Or whatever that's called, whatever you did. She's been through so much shit, and I don't want her to become closed off, or stop trusting people, or think badly about herself.”

“You're right.” Taylor looked at her wife lovingly. “Of course you're right, darling. But that's something we can deal with. She's going to be okay.”

“Okay,” Karlie murmured. 

Taylor pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Are you up for a round two?” she asked, only half joking.

“Sure,” Karlie said. Then, more quietly, “But can you...can you hold me?”

“Of course, baby.” Taylor smiled. Before doing so, she reached back to unclasp her bra and took off her underwear. Then she wrapped her arms around Karlie, pulling her between her legs and leaning back against the headboard. With one hand between her legs and the other on he breasts, Taylor held her wife until she reached her high. 

Karlie was quiet, and Taylor was scared she was crying again. She wasn't. Her eyes were shut and she sighed lethargically. The day had completely worn her out but she felt so content and loved. Not for the first time, she wished she had the words to accurately express how much she appreciated Taylor. I love you never felt like enough.

But for tonight it would have to do.

~*~

Slept crept up on them after the lengthy day. Taylor’s was a fitful one filled with the familiar dreams of drowning. Unlike usual, she was acutely aware that she was searching for someone else being pulled beneath the waves. And, each time, just when she caught a glimpse of a tiny hand, or a child’s shoe, she woke up. 

The third time she awoke, gasping for air she felt an insatiable urge to go and check on Josie. So Taylor quietly got out of bed. Karlie sighed but didn’t wake up.

She tiptoed down the hall, her steps heavy and her breathing labored like she still hadn’t left the dream; like she was still stuck under water. It felt like hours before she made it to the room next to theirs. 

When she reached out for the doorknob, she realized her hands were shaking. The door eased open and Taylor looked through the crack. Illuminated by her star-shaped night light, Josie was curled up on the bed fast asleep. She was clutching her koala, and Olivia was sprawled out next to her. 

The cat was awake, and blinked at Taylor as if to say, You worry too much. Taylor rolled her eyes. She knew she did. 

She stayed there watching the gentle rise and fall of Josie’s chest and listening to the eb and flow of the ocean waves just outside until her own breathing slowed to the same tempo. Dawn was approaching. Taylor pressed a kiss to Josie’s forehead and walked back to join Karlie under the covers, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here's another update, and here's another author's note of me apologizing for it being late. Sorry! Life likes to get in the way of my writing. Also, apologies that this chapter is very lacking in Josie content. Also I'm aware I can't write smut because the only experience I have as a 15 year old is readying other 15 year olds' mediocre smut and taking bits and pieces from that...but I guess that's just what fanfiction is lol. Sorry.
> 
> I guess I'm still doing a question per update: What song is currently stuck in your head? Right now I've got Fast Car by Tracy Chapman and it's a good time!
> 
> ~Vi


	10. X

They found a well-reviewed clinic about 45 minutes from their house that specialized in therapy for autistic kids. Taylor scheduled Josie for an appointment as soon as they returned from Rhode Island. She knew from her own experiences in therapy that the right therapist could be difficult to find, and it was unlikely for the first one you tried to be the one that fit best with you, so it was best to start the search with Josie early.

They pulled in at 10:45, a full half hour early for Josie's session. They were going to start slowly: it was only 30 minutes long. For now, she was only going to go to try talk therapy, which was a new experience for her. If things worked out with that, they would move forward with finding behavioral therapies.

It was during these types of moments and situations that Taylor was most grateful that she had the money to afford the best possible care for her family. Her heart ached for those that didn't have that privilege, and she made a mental note to donate more to charities having to do with autism.

The three of them sat in the waiting room in silence. It was painted a light blue and had large windows which let in natural light. There was a relaxing feel to the atmosphere, which helped to put all three of them at ease somewhat. Josie kneeled on the floor and played with a bead maze in a corner well-stocked with children's toys. For several minutes, the only sounds were the clinking of beads against metal, the slight hum from the fish tank, and an occasional rustle as Karlie flipped a page of the newspaper she was only half reading.

At 11:13, (not like Taylor was obsessively checking the time or anything) a tall man walked in with a clipboard. "Josefina Vera?"

"That's us," Karlie said, folding her newspaper and standing up. "Josie, it's time to go in."

"You all can follow me back to the room," the man said. As they walked back, Karlie noticed Josie cross her arms and hang her head slightly so that her hair fell into her face. It was as though she was trying to fold into herself, trying to make herself as small as possible.

"Well, I guess introductions are in order," he said once Karlie, Taylor, and Josie had settled onto the couch. "I'm Jackson," he said with a warm smile, "It's nice to meet all of you!" Once pleasantries had been exchanged, he addressed Josie specifically: "So, Josefina, if you feel more comfortable with Karlie and Taylor here, they can stay, but if you're okay with it, the two of us can talk alone."

"We'll be out there waiting for you," Taylor reassured her, "Jackson is super awesome, and I promise you two will have fun. He's going to be able to help you a lot more than Karlie and I can. We can stay if you really want, but it's probably better if you two are alone."

"Okay," Josie said softly, even though her chest felt sort of squeezy, "You can go."

They filtered out of the room, leaving Josie and Jackson sitting across from each other. Josie's feet dangled off the couch. She wasn't tall enough for them to reach the ground yet, so she swung her feet back and forth, kicking her shoes against each other so they would light up.

"So, Josefina, how are you doing today?" Jackson asked.

"You can call me Josie," she said.

He smiled. "Josie. I like that. Well...do you know why you're here today?"

She shrugged. "Karlie and Taylor wanted me to talk to you because they think you can help me."

"That's right. I'm kind of like a doctor, except for instead of their body, I help people with their brain." He paused for a moment. "Hey, do you like coloring books?"

Josie's eyes lit up. "Yes!"

"Awesome! I've got a couple over here. It might be more fun to talk while coloring. Just talking to people can get a little boring, don't you think?" Jackson pulled out a stack of coloring books ranging from princesses to spongebob. Josie picked out a Star Wars one and flipped through until she found a page with Princess Leia.

"So, Josie, you know how you have autism? Well, I have it too." Josie looked up from her picture in surprise.

"Really?" She'd never met a grown up with autism before.

He chuckled. "Yes, really. So I can kind of understand how you're feeling, at least a little better than your moms do."

Josie shook her head. "They're not my real moms. Not really, at least. But I..." she paused, lowering her voice, "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course."

"I...I wish they were my moms. They're a lot nicer than my real mom."

"What was your real mom like?" Jackson asked gently.

"She was mean. She...I don't really want to talk about it." That squeezy feeling in her chest was back.

"That's quite alright, Josie," Jackson said. "You don't have to talk to me, or to anyone, about anything if you're not ready to. But when you are, it can be really helpful to share things that upset you with me, or with Karlie and Taylor, or with anyone that you trust. Sometimes just talking to someone else can make you feel better, or at least help you not to feel so alone."

"I have...bad dreams about it sometimes," Josie mumbled. "Because my real parents used to hurt me sometimes. And I get dreams that I still live with them sometimes."

"That sounds scary," Jackson said sympathetically. "And thank you for telling me. I know that was probably scary, too. You're being very brave."

"Brave?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think I'm very brave."  
Jackson shook his head. "You are so brave! Coming in here and talking to me alone was very brave. Telling me something that you didn't want to talk about was brave. Trusting Karlie and Taylor is brave."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, this week, I want you to try and talk to one person besides me and tell them something that you're scared to tell them. Do you think you can do that?"

"I...I don't know..."

"Just give it a try," Jackson said. "It doesn't have to be something big, just anything that you might be a little scared to tell someone. Okay?"

"Okay," Josie said quietly.

Jackson glanced over at the clock. "Alright, Josie, we're about done for the day. Thank you for being so awesome!"

She giggled. "You're welcome."

"You did an awesome job coloring, too! Do you want to keep that picture?"

"Yeah." Jackson helped her carefully tear it out of the book. Afterwards, he reached into his desk, and pulled out a jar filled to the brim with different types of candy.

"Want a piece?"

"Yes!" Josie rummaged through the jar until she could find her favorite jolly rancher flavor (watermelon) and the two of them walked back to the waiting room to meet Karlie and Taylor.

"How'd it go?" Taylor asked her. She'd been anxiously waiting to hear about it.

"Good. I colored a picture for you, Taylor." She handed her the slightly crumpled coloring book page of Princess Leia decorated in scribbles.  
"Thank you! This is so awesome!" Taylor beamed.

"Taylor has a crush on Princess Leia," Josie informed Jackson seriously, "But it's not cheating because she isn't a real person."

Taylor rolled her eyes, blushing. "I think pretty much everyone has a crush on Princess Leia," Jackson replied.

Karlie handed Josie her phone to play on while they talked with Jackson. "She was great," he said. "She's a little shy, a little closed off, and she seems to have some issues trusting people. But that's all expected from her situation. Other than that, she's a great kid. Her vocabulary and speech are excellent."

"That's good to hear," Karlie said, squeezing Taylor's hand. "We've fostered kids before, and trust is something that's really hard for a lot of them, so it's something we've come to expect. But I think we're making progress."

They spoke with Jackson for a couple more minutes before leaving. "What do you want for lunch?" Taylor asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"Mac and cheese!" Josie yelled.

"Mac and cheese it is," Taylor agreed. She scrolled through nearby restaurants on her phone. "There's a Friendly's 2 miles from here..."

Karlie sighed, "I don't know, Taylor. Can't we go somewhere that's not fast food?"

Taylor slid her bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. "Please?"

"Please? Pretty please?" Josie echoed her.

Karlie knew she was outnumbered. "Okay, fine. Friendly's it is!" And, settled into a booth across from her two favorite girls, how could she complain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Welp. It's been a hot minute since I posted...sorry bout that. But I promised sunshinesanvers and Kaylor5eva that I would post after AP tests were over (which was over a week ago) so here ya go. We're over halfway done with this story! Also, thanks so much for getting this ranked #18 in kaylor! That's so awesome!
> 
> For anyone else who took the AP world History exam, here's some memes you'll understand. (For anyone else, sorry. They were too good not to share.) [if you want to see those, go to this story on wattpad]
> 
> ♡♡♡~Vi


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: descriptions of abuse

Chelsea had been invited over for dinner, but Taylor was cooking like it was Thanksgiving. It really was something she enjoyed, and she aimed to try out one new recipe per week. "Karlie loves me too much! Her opinion is probably biased!" Taylor would always say when accused of forcing Chelsea to be a test subject.

"Yeah, you're right. She told me you were a good driver once."

"I am a good driver!"

"If that's what helps you sleep at night..."

Anyway, these dinners were mostly just an excuse to see Chelsea. Tonight's experiment was spaghetti squash. As Taylor cooked up a storm, Chelsea and Josie migrated into the music room.

"Do you remember the chords I was teaching you earlier?" Chelsea asked, helping Josie up onto the piano bench.

"Mmmm."

"Okay, well, this is how you play a C..."

The two of them entertained themselves with that for a while. Chelsea would play something easy enough for Josie to emulate, and she would follow her. They both hoped that these informal piano lessons would become a regular occurence. Eventually, Josie got bored of learning chords, scales, and Mary Had a Little Lamb, so she begged Chelsea to play something.

"Matilda, please!"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Chelsea teased, her hands already finding the first chord.

"Pretty please with a cherry on top," Josie echoed.

They sang through Naughty a couple times because it was Josie's favorite. There was a slight pause before Josie asked Chelsea to play something else, something difficult.

Before the record deal, before the guitar, before the songwriting, Chelsea had been a pianist. And a pretty good one, at that. She'd been taking lessons for as long as she could remember, and classical music had been an outlet for her long before pop had. There was something refreshing about playing Mozart for a child who would always be impressed at how quickly her fingers flew across the keyboard, rather than read critics' poor reviews of her pop performances because she didn't show enough skin or have good sex appeal (Not to mention that she was a lesbian. That didn't exactly help her chances.)

That's why Chelsea was so grateful to Taylor for letting her express herself in the ways she felt comfortable, and also allowing her to make music her way, which was sometimes infused with influence from her love of classical piano.

The way Josie watched her, eyes wide with wonder, made Chelsea realize how lucky she had gotten all over again. Things hadn't always been this good. And for many people, they never would be. She abruptly stopped playing and tried to swallow against the lump in her throat.

"Why'd you stop?" Josie asked.

"Sorry, I was just...thinking."

"About what?"

Chelsea sighed. "About how lucky I am. To have met the people I've met."

"I'm lucky cause I met you. And Karlie and Taylor," Josie said.

"Me too. I..you know how I told you that my birth family aren't the nicest of people?" Josie nodded. "Well, my um, my birth mother...I want you to know that I'm telling you this because I know you've been through it and you understand, but also because I want you to know that things will get better for you. I just...my parents used to hurt me. It wasn't a lot, it wasn't all the time, until it was. And even when I got out of that situation, I didn't feel like I could talk to anybody about it. So I started doing really stupid stuff. Shit, don't tell your moms I said 'stupid.'" She paused for a second. "SHOOT! I meant shoot!"

Josie was giggling.

"But, anyway, I just want you to know that there are people who understand. And I heard you went to therapy the other day. That can be...really hard sometimes, but I want you to try for me to keep going and keep getting better."

"Okay. You worry too much."

"I know," Chelsea said, trying to wipe away her tears without Josie seeing.

There was silence for a few moments. Josie twirled a strand of hair back and forth around her fingers. Her mind starter to wander back to before she'd been taken away from her birth parents. To the day she Did Not like to think about. She shivered. The scar on her shoulder almost stung.

This house was nothing like that. Karlie and Taylor were nothing like that.

Something made her want to tell Chelsea.

Maybe it was what Dr. Jackson had told her: to try and tell somebody something she was scared of telling them. Maybe it was because she didn't want to be the only one who knew anymore. Maybe because it was she knew that Chelsea would understand.

"Taylor and Karlie don't hurt me."

"And they never will," Chelsea responded quickly. "I know that's so hard to believe but they never will. Parents aren't supposed to do that. Ever. You know that, right?"

"Mhmm." That's what everyone told her afterwards, at the hospital. That's what she was trying to believe. "Chelsea?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

Josie sighed, rubbing her face with her hand. "One time my...my birth mommy got really mad for some reason--sometimes she got mad when I didn't even do anything--and...and she was cooking water on the stove and..." She swallowed against the lump in her throat.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Chelsea quickly assured her.

Josie pressed on, ignoring her. She needed to say this now, otherwise she would be too scared later. "I don't know, she got mad at me and she threw it...threw the pot at me and...and...and..." The tears streaming down her face made it difficult to continue.

"Oh babe," Chelsea said as Josie collapsed into her arms. "It's okay, you're okay."

"Josie? Everything okay?" Karlie said, peeking into the room. "Chels...what's going on?"

Chelsea was holding back tears herself. "I...I was trying to tell her how lucky she is, and how things are going to get better for her, and she started telling me about something her birth mom...something her birth mom did to her." Her words ended in a squeak.

Karlie took a deep breath, sitting down next to them on the piano bench. She wrapped her arms around the both of them, pulling her foster daughter and the girl who may as well have been into an awkward hug. "Chelsea," she whispered in her ear, "It's okay. She'll be fine. I'll take her." Then, to Josie, "Hey, buddy, it's Karlie. Do you want to tell me what's going on?" Josie whined as Karlie pulled her body away from Chelsea and sat her on her lap. "You're okay, sweetheart, you're okay. Do you want to talk?" Josie shook her head. "Okay. Do you want me to rub your back?" After a slight hesitation, Josie nodded and Karlie ran her hand up and down her spine.

As Karlie comforted Josie, Chelsea slipped out of the room unnoticed. She ran without making a sound to the bathroom, where she finally let herself cry. A jumbled mess of feelings washed over her. What Josie said had upset her more than she wanted to admit. She tried her best to avoid triggers like that, but she also wanted Josie to trust her and feel like she could come to her to discuss her problems. It was a catch 22.

And, creeping behind these other feelings, there was a slice of jealousy. Josie had been through hell, sure, but she had gotten out when she was young enough to forget most of it. The rest of her childhood would be spent with a loving family who could support her every need and want.

Chelsea never had that. Not until she was 16 and, by some lucky miracle, a video of a song she wrote popped up in Taylor's recommended on youtube. So Chelsea stayed in the bathroom dwelling on what she never had until Taylor called out that dinner was ready. Then, she dried her tears, told her reflection in the mirror to appreciate what she had, and went to join the family she'd chosen for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oof it's been a while since I've updated. I'm so sorry that this story is taking me so long to write! Bad news--I've decided to change my plan for this story, so this chapter is the last one I have planned out. So you might need to wait a bit for the next one (you should prob expect that by now tho lol).
> 
> Between the last update and this one, I saw Taylor in concert for the first time ever, and was lucky enough to go to a rain show!!! (East Rutherford Metlife night 2 anyone?) She was amazing and I totally fell in love with her all over again. Also, Karlie got engaged to J*sh K*shner, something that completely blindighted me and sent me into a bit of a panic lol. For a bit I thought of never updating any of my kaylor fics again, but I've decided not to do that. I'm still trying to figure out how to support someone who continues to associate with a toxic and awful family. For now, I know this: Karlie obviously makes Taylor happy. And, because of that, I will try to see what Taylor sees in her. If/when she calls off the engagement, and goes back to the smart, funny, nerdy person I fell in love with, I will not hesitate to support her again.
> 
> ~Vi
> 
> P.s. soz for the long af author's note...does anyone even read these?
> 
> P.p.s. you can totally tell how long it's been since i updated bc i accidentally signed it malvina instead of vi oweoweh i forgot nobody knows me by my full name on here lol


	12. XII

As Josie walked down the hall to their room, she stuffed her fist in her mouth to stifle her sobs. Her heart was pounding. She clutched tightly onto Mr. Waffles. She didn't want them to be mad at her waking them up but she also didn't want to be alone.

She was scared.

The door creaked as she pushed it open. She tiptoed to the bed. “Taylor?”

Taylor's eyes fluttered open after a moment. “Josie?” she asked, her voice low and crackly. She squinted. It was hard to make our her daughter's face in the dark. It was only when she heard soft whimper that she realized Josie was crying. “Sweetheart, what's wrong?”

It was this concern, all this caring about her that caused all of Josie’s suppressed sobs to start coming up. Taylor sat up immediately and grabbed her glasses from the table. “Shhh, you're okay. You're okay,” she said gently. “Let's go downstairs so we can talk without waking Karlie up, okay?”

She took Josie’s hand to lead her out of the room, but the girl clutched onto her leg. Taylor tentatively pried her off and picked her up. She knew that Josie was on and off with touch, so she wasn't sure what to expect, but she hugged Taylor back tightly and buried her head in her chest.

Taylor carried her downstairs, turning on the lights as she went. She walked into the kitchen. “Do you want a glass of water or milk? Or I can make you some hot chocolate?” she asked.

“No, no, no, no, no!” Josie’s mind short-circuited and all she could think was that hot chocolate meant hot water and hot water meant more pain. She could still feel the heat on her shoulder, on her leg; her head still throbbed from the metal pot. Taylor arms morphed into something painful and constricting instead of safe and comforting. She pushed at Taylor's chest, trying to get away. Taylor quickly walked to the living room and put Josie down on the couch. She kneeled down in front of her so that their heads were level.

“Josie, shhh, you're okay, you're okay. You're safe here. Let's try to take some deep breaths, okay?” Taylor pleaded in what she hoped was a calming tone even though her own heart was pounding. Josie was hiccuping and sobbing and her breathing was much too fast… “Look at me, baby.” Josie’s tearful eyes looked up and latched onto Taylor's. “We're going to count our breaths, okay? Can you do that for me?”

It took a couple of minutes, but Josie was finally able to calm down. She was still sort of crying, and not okay by any means, but at least Taylor was certain she wasn't going to pass out. She sat down next to her on the couch, making sure to keep keep a safe distance. That was hard for her. She would never want to make Josie uncomfortable, but not comforting her without touch went against every instinct she had.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I...I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to. But if you ever need to talk about something, I’m here to listen.” They sat in silence for a few minutes.

Finally, Josie felt the question that had been burning in the back of her mind pass through her lips. “Are you mad at me?”

Taylor shook her head. “No! Why would I be mad at you?” Josie shrugged, looking down at her feet. If she was still with her other mom, she would’ve definitely been yelled at for waking her up. Taylor somehow knew what she was thinking, because she said, “Don’t ever feel bad about waking us up if you need us, okay? Karlie and I are here for you at any time of day.”

“My other mommy would be mad.” Josie mumbled.

“Was...was that who your dream was about?” Taylor asked tentatively. She didn’t want to push, but she also wanted Josie to be able to trust her enough to tell her about these kind of things.

Josie nodded. She was going to try to be brave, just like she was with Chelsea. Taylor wasn’t scary. Taylor was nice and funny and beautiful. And maybe, just maybe, telling her would be a good thing. “I…” But when she tried, the words got stuck in her throat.

“Take your time, sweetheart,” Taylor said, gently. She lifted a hand to brush Josie’s curls out of her eyes, but she quickly thought better of it when Josie leaned away. She was still hugging her koala tightly to her chest.

“Taylor?”

“Mhm?”

“One time...one time my other mommy got really mad at me and...and she threw a pot at me and it had hot water and it burned me and I had to go to the hospital,” Josie managed to squeak out in one breath. Her chest felt squeezy again and she could feel tears pushing at her eyelids.

“Jesus,” Taylor whispered quietly. She closed her eyes to compose herself before replying. “Is that what your dream was about?”

Josie nodded.

“Thank you for telling me that, baby. That was very brave of you.” Taylor heard a sniffle and saw Josie bury her head into her stuffed animal. “I know this must be really scary and confusing for you, but you know that no adult is supposed to hurt you ever, right?”

Josie nodded. Her voice was muffled as she spoke into her koala. “The nice doctor lady told me that at the hospital. I don’t like hospitals. They’re scary. My other mommy was telling me to lie, and...and tell them it was an accident. But I tried to be brave, Taylor, I tried to be brave like Matilda. And Matilda would tell the truth. So I told...I told the doctor lady what really happened. And then she said I wouldn’t have to go back home with my mommy. But, Taylor, I’m not brave. I keep trying, but...but I’m so scared all the time.” Her voice broke and she couldn’t keep herself from crying any longer.

“Josie,” Taylor said, wiping away some of her own tears. “Listen to me, please. This is important.” Josie peeked out from behind Mr. Waffles. “You are so incredibly brave. You were brave for telling the truth at the hospital, you were brave for talking to Mr. Jackson the other day, you’re being brave right now for talking to me. You’re the bravest person I know.”

“Really?”

Taylor smiled. “Really. You’re brave because you were scared but you did it anyway. That’s what bravery really is. And, you don’t have to feel guilty about anything your birth parents did. That’s a product of their decisions, and their decisions only. Nothing you’ve been through is in any way your fault. I need you to remember that for me, okay?”

Josie nodded. She wasn’t sure if she believed that fully, but she could try. She was glad she had told Taylor. She felt a lot better.

Suddenly, she realized how tired she felt. She yawned and moved closer to Taylor so she could cuddle with her.

“Do you want to go back to sleep? I can take you upstairs if you want,” Taylor said.

Josie shook her head. “Stay here. Lie down.”

Taylor chuckled. “Alright, sweetheart.” She got comfortable on the couch and let Josie crawl on top of her. She squinted at the clock in the corner. Almost 4 am. She doubted she’d be getting any more sleep that night. Her mind was racing.

Josie’s breathing slowed, and just as Taylor thought she’d fallen asleep she spoke. “Tay?”

“Yeah?”

Her voice was laced with sleep and her eyes were closed. “You and Karlie are kind of like Miss Honey from Matilda. I wish you could be my real mommies.”

Taylor didn’t trust her voice. Her eyes filled with tears, happy ones this time. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was.

Three and a half hours later when Karlie walked downstairs (slightly grumpy because she had woken up to an empty bed) she was met with a heart warming sight. Josie was curled up on Taylor, thumb in her mouth as she slept peacefully. Taylor’s tired eyes were on her daughter, slightly glazed over as she watched her chest move up and down.

Karlie sat down on the arm of the couch. “Morning, baby,” Taylor whispered.

“Did she have a nightmare?” Karlie questioned. Taylor nodded, stifling a yawn. “Sit up,” Karlie said. Taylor complied, holding Josie tightly to her chest. Karlie slid down to sit on the couch, and Taylor lowered back down so that her head was on her wife’s lap. “Try to get some rest, baby,” Karlie cooed. Taylor finally allowed herself to close her eyes and relax as Karlie began to play with her hair. For a moment, she allowed herself to pretend that it could be like that forever: the three of them in their own little bubble, safe from the evils of the world outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay I'm just gonna give a blanket apology for being bad at updating all my fanfics ever. You guys shouldn't expect anything more from me by this point. Since the last time I updated, KK has become Ms. KKK, and I've honestly felt weird about writing kaylor fanfic (though I've still been reading it). Idk, this whole situation is so unprecedented, and I know many of us in the fandom feel angry or sad or frustrated or betrayed or discouraged. I know my own feelings are very complicated on the matter. If you ever need to rant about Karlie's poor decision making skills, don't hesitate to reach out here or on my tumblr (@ thefuckingstory).
> 
> ~Vi
> 
> P.S. I just started a sideblog on tumblr called @ kaylorbookclub where we discuss various lgbt books. It's a fun time, so you should definitely check it out!


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